Thursday, 6 August 2009

When is it time...


I know I am progressing too fast with this… going towards the direction to write about when is it time to continue seeing someone or should stage a contingency exit act right after my “Dating Rules “post.

It may sound cynical here, but let’s face the reality; there are “Ick factors” happening constantly when you start dating each other regularly exclusively – that’s when you need to “Make or Break”, we are talking about here.

Here’s how you realise:
-- He starts drinking one too many beers when you are out and hardly can get to your place anymore (PLUS) you find you two fully doing it at the back of a cab; or
-- She starts admitting that she wants to have beautiful kids with you someday on the second date… Don’t you just want to call it quit the second you can’t handle these types of situations?
The best is yet to come: when you start calling each other “Babypedaboo” or something baby-friendly-names (In front of your parents over for dinner!) it might be a sign for seriously jinx it up or for your own sakes, just live together and don’t go to the outside world!
Funny thing is, these “Ick Factors” don’t miraculously come out from no-where, as per my analysis if you ever wondered. They all largely come from the power and effort you project to the relationship and they backfire. I m not saying I am in hatred of romance, in fact, much of a contrary- I’ve been through the “Babypedaboo” situations myself (Yes, me!) and I have to say I found it actually quite a peacefully indulgence in that weird world where no outsiders can understand and it’s from another planetary system… at least at that time, I DID, I enjoyed it! So in summary, what goes around comes around to you.

I have heard yet too many reasons to end a relationship like “I am tired of it…Well, if you are exhausted, go get some sleep! Don’t just give up yet.
Try to remember why you two first got together; try remembering his/ her goods and those qualities attracted to you in the first place. You might have forgotten, sweetie, you think you had drifted apart in due course of time; you wish things work out better; you think you’ve lost the sparks -- Oh, come on now, there never been a spark visually which you can touch nor see, you know that resentfully, so how could you possibly have lost it now? “Sparks” are only some sort of myth we created to dilute the most irrational feelings when you start to like someone in the beginning.

Speaking of that- I recently had to end one only because I need to move to another country. I’ve try to argue with myself that we could work a long distance relationship just like Beckham and Victoria used to. So my right and left brain had been in hard work 24/7 for a good few weeks. But I could not fight against the fact that you want that person you love so much to be around you to share every day’s life – angry bosses, yelling bus drivers or tiny little things that just surround you everyday and make them the reasons to call each other up and talk the shit out of it.

He’s the most non –dispensable boyfriend I’ve ever had and wished for, it’s sad to end it. Yet it’s unfair to drag him along whilst he could meet a person being there for him just like I wish he’ll be for me at the same time. Thus, it’s almost a relief for both of us in this case. We are both happy to end in a good term and in civilised fashion.

Bottom line is that, you are on the same page with the person you are trying to break up with. If not, don’t’ attempt to do so – you might just be ambiguous by yourself, blind-folded with uncertainties for a moment only. Think deeper – do you just happen to forget how he opens your car doors for you and you fall in love with him instantly that moment? Have you overlooked the nights he stood by your side when you are feeling grumpy after long haul 50-rounds fight with your mother over which dish to be used to serve dinner? Did you not recall the time she picked up your slacks when you are drunk and vomit all over yourself?
So there’s a bump in the road, but you just can’t bail out and step back that easily.

Don’t just be eaten in the “He‘d never remembered a word I’ve said, and I am sick of it” thoughts. There were precious moments you think he deserves you and vice versa.

No matter what you choose to do, pain will stop at some point when you least expect; so as joy. Be true to yourselves; don’t look back in anger with regrets – that’s all I am saying.